Hi. I’m Writer X. I’m a working screenwriter in Hollywood.

Within the past five years, I’ve been represented by two of the top talent agencies in town. I broke into the business with a spec. It got on The Black List and eventually became one of those elusive million dollar spec sales. Afterwards, I sold another spec, but that one only sold for half a million. Still, it’s not a bad quote for someone just starting out. 

In addition to my spec sales, I’ve made successful pitches to two major studios. One of those pitches I did with an A-list director. We pitched it to the President of Universal Pictures.

I’ve also nabbed several writing assignments with pretty much all of the major studios, and a number of A-list production companies.

And I sold two TV pilots to two different networks.

A-list actors and directors have been attached to my work, and I’m collaborated with them. I’ve been in the homes of the rich and famous, and seen some pretty crazy stuff.

Guess what I was doing before I became a professional screenwriter?

I was a dishwasher.

I had no contacts in the industry and had never even visited Los Angeles before things started to happen for me. I have no college degree, and had never held down steady employment. It all started with one spec script.

I’ve been given notes by many people, including some of the top studio execs in the business. Even when these notes didn’t lead to sold projects or finished films, they were still quite valuable. After awhile you start to see patterns in the industry. Certain phrases come up again and again. Certain tastes or flavors dominate the town. You might be writing a spec that seems perfect for today’s marketplace, but in reality it’s perfect for last year’s marketplace. Being on the inside, I’ve seen the trends as they materialize or fizzle out. These are the things you need to know before you open up that Final Draft document and spend several months on realizing that movie in your head. Otherwise you’ll have something your friends might love, but every script reader or agent will uniformly pass on.    

People have different ideas about what it is to be a working writer. People think we sit by pools, take meetings at the Ivy, etc. I did have a meeting at Spago, but never the Ivy (but I recommend the chop salad there if you ever get the chance). And I’m not much for swimming pools, but that’s just me.

Breaking in is hard, but staying in is sometimes even harder.

In this column, I’m going to convey to you the real working life of a screenwriter. I’ll give you hints for weaving through the world of Hollywood, and how to the survive shark infested waters. And there are indeed sharks in these waters. Big ones with big teeth. I’ll tell you about the unspoken dress code and how to decipher the often labyrinthian language in Hollywood. For example, if a studio exec just reads your first draft and tells you, “The writing is great,” you think that’s good? Well, it’s not. Familiar with the phrases “too broad,” “more grounded,” or “character’s arc”? Well, you will be. And I’ll even tell you where the best spots are to hang out if you’re a working screenwriter. The social and professional worlds are always colliding in LA. This is the type of stuff you won’t learn from a writing seminar or one of those countless books about the craft of screenwriting.

But we will also be talking about the craft of screenwriting.  

Because there isn’t any lobster mac & cheese at the Four Seasons for you if you don’t have that awesome spec everyone is just dying to read. The type of spec that makes the myths.

Look out for my next column, where I’ll talk about how I sold my first spec for a million dollars, and what happened after that…